Why Does My Toddler Cry or Whine Instead of Telling Me What They Want?

Your toddler is crying again. They pull your hand, point towards something or stand beside you whining—but you still cannot understand what they want.

You offer water. They push it away. You offer food, a toy or a hug, but the crying becomes louder. After guessing several times, you may start to feel tired, frustrated and helpless.

You may wonder:

“Why can’t my child just tell me what they want?”

This situation can be difficult for both the parent and the child. You are trying your best to understand, while your child may already know what they want but does not yet have a clear and reliable way to express it.

Crying and whining are also forms of communication. They may mean:

• “I want that.”

• “Help me.”

• “I don’t want this.”

• “Something is wrong.”

• “This is too difficult.”

• “I need a break.”

• “You don’t understand me.”

This does not necessarily mean that your child is being naughty or deliberately refusing to use words. Crying, pointing or pulling an adult’s hand may simply be the quickest communication method your child currently knows.

The important question is not only:

“How can I stop my child from crying?”

Parents should also ask:

“What is my child trying to tell me and do they have another way to express it?”

What This May Look Like at Home or Childcare

A child who finds it difficult to express wants and needs may:

• pull an adult’s hand towards the kitchen, door or toy shelf;

• cry while waiting for an adult to guess;

• point without using a sound or word;

• place an object in an adult’s hand when they need help;

• scream when the adult offers the wrong item;

• become upset when a toy does not work;

• push something away instead of saying “no”; or

• drop to the floor when they are not understood.

These behaviours carry a message. The child is communicating but the message is not yet clear enough for other people to understand easily.

The goal is not to stop the child from pointing, gesturing or pulling an adult’s hand immediately. These are already early communication attempts.

Instead, adults can recognise the message and gradually help the child develop a clearer way to communicate through gestures, pictures, sounds or words.

 

Why Working Together With Parents Matters

Supporting communication does not happen only in the classroom. This is why Lullabee teachers work closely with parents.

We want to understand how the child communicates and behaves at home, including:

• mealtime routines;
• screen habits;
• how the child asks for food or help;
• what happens when the child becomes upset;
• how adults normally respond; and
• how much back-and-forth interaction happens during the day.

When teachers and parents understand the child’s daily routines, we can make small and realistic changes together.

One Family’s Experience

One child who joined us used very little spoken language. At home, the child needed to watch music videos during meals and was also very selective with food.

Instead of focusing only on teaching words in class, we discussed the child’s daily routine with the parents. The family gradually changed the after-school routine.

The child began having dinner at school. After pick-up, the parent brought the child for a short walk in the garden instead of immediately watching videos.

We guided the parent to use the walk as a natural communication opportunity.

Rather than asking the child many questions, the parent would come down to the child’s level, notice what the child was looking at and talk about it:

“Look, the bird is flying!”

“Let’s count—one, two, three, four, five.”

“The uncle is walking his dog.”

“What sound does the dog make? Woof, woof!”

The purpose was not to test the child or force them to repeat every word. The parent was showing the child that communication could be enjoyable, useful and connected to everyday life.

Over the following weeks, both the parents and teachers noticed that the child began trying to communicate more often. The child showed more interest in sharing what they saw, expressing wants and interacting with the adults around them.

For the Lullabee team, seeing a child who previously communicated very little begin making more spontaneous attempts to connect and express themselves was deeply meaningful.

This was one child’s individual progress, and every child develops differently. A change in routine alone cannot guarantee the same result for every child. However, the experience reminded us of something important:

Communication grows through everyday interaction—not only during lessons.

At Lullabee, we do not only teach children more words. We help them learn how to use communication meaningfully.

Parents who are concerned about their child’s communication may contact our team to learn more about our childcare programme, speech support and Early Intervention Programme.

Lullabee Baby & Childcare Centre
Babycare, toddler care and kindergarden
- Puchong Jaya
- Old Klang Road

Learning Bee Therapy Centre
Speech Therapy | Occupational Therapy | Early Intervention Programme
16-1, Jalan Kenari 1, Bandar Puchong Jaya, Selangor

Contact us to arrange an enquiry or initial consultation.